A Scoundrel and a Starfleet Officer Walk Into a Bar
by DanS2015
Summary: A young Han Solo meets a young Captain Kirk in a bar and sparks fly.


A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . . Or somewhere in the future . . . because time and space are relative . . .

The most famous bar in the Orion System was a place called Leonad's Oasis. It was the kind of place that attracted the powerful and the powerless, the gallant and the scoundrel, the famous and the infamous. Everyone who was anyone (and even those who were no one) made sure to visit Leonad's Oasis at least once during their time in the Orion System.

Smalltime smuggler Han Solo, a young man with long sideburns, an earring, and very little fashion sense, was a frequent visitor to Leonad's. Like a lot of the young men who frequented the place, he'd first visited due to the bar's reputation – which had more to do with the women who worked there than it did the available libations. Orion women were green skinned and known throughout the galaxy for their beauty. The first time Han laid eyes on one he realized how well-deserved their reputation was. It was then he decided he was going to marry one of them someday – after he'd finished sowing all his wild oats, of course.

Han's favorite Orion woman was a stunning beauty named Quintana, a woman with flawless skin, hypnotic blue eyes, and long, curly black hair. She'd been working at Leonad's the entire time Han had been coming there, and he'd been smitten by her from the first moment he'd seen her. He was also certain that she was equally as smitten with him (due no doubt to his immaculate sideburns, neatly-trimmed goatee, and stylish earring).

Han was not disappointed when Quintana greeted him with a smile as he entered the bar on one unremarkable summer day on Orion. Quintana also greeted Han's Wookie copilot and platonic life companion, Chewbacca, with the same smile, but Han didn't read anything of significance into this. He knew Quintana only had eyes for him. Friendly or flirtatious behavior with other patrons of the bar was only part of Quintana's job.

"Your usual booth near the back is open, Han," Quintana said, still smiling. She gently brushed her long black hair over her right shoulder, and Han knew this was a significant body language clue that she was totally into him.

"Thanks, Quinnie. Could you bring Chewie and me a couple of Hydro Slammers?"

"Sure thing, sweetie."

Quintana disappeared behind the bar, and once she was out of sight Han elbowed Chewie in his ribs. "Did you hear that? She called me _sweetie_."

Chewbacca let out a brief guttural lilt that sounded like the first signs of indigestion but in fact meant _Good grief_ in the Wookie's native tongue. He followed Han to their booth in the back, where he sat across from his friend and waited on the highly intoxicating Hydro Slammer that would dull his senses enough to deal with Han's lovesick buffoonery for the rest of the evening.

Captain James T. Kirk, currently one of the youngest captains in all of Starfleet, adjusted his dark leather vest in the mirror of his personal quarters aboard the starship _Enterprise_ as his friend and next in command, Spock, looked on with indifference.

"I hear these vests are all the rage among smugglers, scoundrels, and pirates in this part of the galaxy, Spock. What do you think?"

"I suppose it makes sense to attempt to blend in with the locals while on shore leave, Captain," Spock said without actually answering the question posed.

"Indeed it does, Spock. I've heard great things about a local watering hole called Leonad's Oasis. You want to check it out with me?"

Spock raised his eyebrows in the way Kirk had grown accustomed to during his time as captain of the _Enterprise_. "I was thinking about making this an educational vacation. There are a number of fascinating museums on Orion."

"Come on, Spock. What's more educational than seeing people in their natural environment? You can learn a lot in a museum, but you can learn a lot more in a bar. Trust me on that one."

Spock considered Kirk's words but did not wish to concede the point. "Perhaps it would be more prudent if I accompanied you to this _bar_ , Captain. As first officer it behooves me to make sure you return from shore leave in one piece."

"Of course it does." Kirk patted Spock on the shoulder and directed him towards the door that would lead them into the hall and ultimately to the transporter room.

Han put his empty bottle and the table and burped. "I'm going to ask her out. Today."

Chewie belched out the Wookie equivalent of _I'll believe it when I see it_ , but Han, who still had more trouble with the Wookie language than he cared to admit, mistranslated the sound to mean _Go for it, buddy_.

Quintana stopped by the booth, still smiling. "Can I get you guys another Hydro Slammer?"

Han nodded. "Yes, please." When Quintana was gone Han slammed his fist and banged his forehead on the table.

Chewbacca chuckled.

Han popped up quickly. "Laugh it up, fuzzball."

Chewbacca turned his head and saw Quintana standing near the bar's entrance talking to a handsome young man and his pointy-eared companion, both of whom had just entered the bar. Han followed Chewie's gaze and felt his heart drop when Quintana put her hand on the man's arm. The gesture was a little too intimate for Han's tastes.

"That's a nice vest," Han said quietly. "I should probably get one of those."

Captain Kirk stepped foot inside Leonad's Oasis and immediately fell in love. "Who is that?" he asked, seeing Quintana approaching.

"I do not know, Captain. I have never been in this establishment before," said Spock.

Kirk ignored his friend and focused his gaze with photon-like precision on the green-skinned beauty standing before him.

"Welcome to Leonad's Oasis," said the woman.

Kirk flashed his best diplomatic grin and tugged on his vest. "We've heard great things about this place."

"I hope it lives up to its reputation," Quintana said with a friendly smile.

"So far it has _exceeded_ its reputation," Kirk said.

Spock looked at his captain and raised his eyebrows. He wasn't sure what Kirk was talking about, but he assumed it must have been the beginning of a flirtation. With humans one never could be certain.

Quintana reached out and put her hand on Kirk's arm. "I like your vest."

"Thank you." Kirk glanced and Spock and gave him a look that said _I told you so_.

"Why don't you follow me to a table near the bar?"

"Of course."

Quintana slid her arm in Kirk's and began to lead him away, Spock following close behind.

"Who does that guy think he is?" Han growled at Chewie. He couldn't take his eyes off Quintana, the vest-wearing stranger, and his pointy-eared friend.

Chewie grumbled the Wookie equivalent of _He looks important. He's probably a starship captain or a celebrity._

"You're not making me feel any better," said Han. "You wanna go rip that guy's arm off?"

 _I always want to rip arms off, but that doesn't mean I can just go around doing that for no reason at all_ , Chewie roared in Wookie.

Han didn't bother translating this; he simply stood up and marched towards Quintana and her new friend, knowing that Chewie would follow no matter what he'd just said. Life debts were funny that way.

Quintana looked forward and saw Han and Chewbacca striding towards her and her new friends. Han looked angry, and Chewbacca looked like he always did – a giant, terrifying carpet. Quintana's practiced smile faded ever so slightly.

"Do you need another drink, Han?"

 _She remembers my name_ , Han thought. _I knew it! She loves me!_

Captain Kirk could tell this Han guy was something of a loose cannon. Kirk had been trained to deal with situations like this and didn't feel the least bit threatened by Han or his tall, hairy companion. From the looks of them, Kirk judged Han to be drunk and his companion to be barely sentient. They shouldn't be too difficult to handle, he thought.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Kirk asked in his least threatening tone of voice. The look on his face said _we're all friends here_. He hoped this would be enough to cause Han to calm down, but Kirk knew it wasn't likely to be that easy. If it wasn't, he always had his phaser to fall back on.

"Who do you think you are?" asked Han.

"The name's James T. Kirk. And you are?"

"Han Solo, but that's not what I meant."

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Of course you don't, James. T. Kirk." Han said, mocking Kirk's speech pattern.

Quintana stepped towards Han and put a hand on his arm. "Why don't you go back to your booth? I'll bring another Hydro Slammer to you. On the house."

Han shook his head. "Quinnie, I love you."

"What?" asked Quintana.

Chewbacca also growled the Wookie equivalent of _What?_ which came across as quite hostile and threatening to everyone standing nearby.

Spock looked up at the Wookie and tilted his head. "Fascinating. I have never encountered your kind before. I imagine your language is quite difficult to master."

Chewbacca growled something that even Han had a difficult time translating.

"What did he just say?" asked Kirk.

"You don't want to know," said Han.

"You're probably right," said Kirk. "Look, we don't want any trouble here, Han. Like I said before, why don't I buy you a drink? Then, if you're still thirsty, _Quinnie_ , can bring you another on the house, like she offered to do a minute ago. We've obviously stepped into something here, and I feel like my friend, Spock, and I are somewhat out of our element."

"I've got a better idea," said Han. "How about we play a game of sabacc?"

"If. You. Think. That's. Prudent," said Kirk.

"Oh, I do. I see the way you've been looking at Quinnie."

Quintana started to protest – she still thought Han was crazy and wasn't quite sure how to deal with or even acknowledge Han's declaration of love – but Kirk stepped in before she could say anything.

"I don't know who you are or what's wrong with you exactly, but. Let's. Do. That. Let's play. Sabacc," said Kirk.

Han turned to Quintana. "Get us a sabacc deck – and a dealer. I see an empty table near the bar where we can play."

"Sure thing, Han." Quintana shuffled off to set up the game.

Spock, meanwhile, leaned in close to Kirk and spoke lowly into his ear. "What is _sabacc_ , Captain?"

"I have no idea," said Kirk.

Kirk struggled to grasp the rules and subtleties of sabacc for the first few hands he played. He caught on to the game quickly, though, and it wasn't long before he began frustrating Han.

Han, on the other hand, considered himself a master of sabacc. Despite barely being out of his teens, he'd played in more high stakes games than he could remember. The fact that an obvious newcomer to the game was doing as well against him as Kirk was bothered him immensely.

Han was willing to chalk Kirk's success up to beginner's luck, but the stakes of the game were too high to actually lose to the guy. Han had put his DL-44 heavy blaster pistol up against Kirk's leather vest. They weren't wagering starships (which were commonly wagered in drunken games of sabacc), but for Han, his blaster was too valuable to part with. He simply could not lose to this Kirk guy.

Then there was the matter of Quintana. Han had started this whole thing to impress her. If he lost to Kirk he was going to lose more than his pride and his blaster; he was going to lose any shot he'd ever had of wooing Quintana.

The idea of cheating crossed Han's mind more than once, but he'd heard that the penalties for cheating at sabacc in the Orion System were quite stiff. Imprisonment stiff. So cheating was out of the question. Even with Quintana's heart potentially on the line.

Kirk looked up from his hand and smiled at Han. "Nice. Sideburns. Kid."

"You have an interesting way of speaking," said Han. "It's as if every word is its own sentence."

"I. Have. No. Idea. What. You're. Talking. About." Kirk glanced over at Spock. If he didn't know better, he would have thought the Vulcan was actually smiling.

Han locked eyes with Kirk and couldn't get a good read on the guy. Han had to hand it to his adversary; the guy was cool under pressure. Han believed he was typically cool under pressure himself, but Quintana's presence had a way of unnerving him.

Beads of sweat popped up on Han's forehead. He looked over at Quintana and saw that, for once, there was no smile on her face. It seemed even she had fallen under the game's spell. As had a number of other aliens and bar flies, many of whom had formed a tense circle around the gaming table.

Han's cards weren't that good, but he did his best to show confidence in his hand. He knew things could change in the blink of an eye in this game anyway. With one shift of the cards he could go from having a losing hand to holding an Idiot's Array, the best hand in the game. Of course one shift of the cards could also leave him with a devastatingly pathetic hand and cost him his blaster. And his pride. And Quintana.

Kirk looked at his cards. He had a -21. Calling now could be risky, but what were the odds his hand got any better? He was so close to a 23 as it was. Surely Han's hand couldn't be better, he thought. Allowing another shift of the cards was a risky maneuver.

Kirk hesitated, and the cards shifted. He had a -23. A pure sabacc. Kirk maintained his calm.

"I call," said Kirk.

Han's shoulders slumped ever so slightly as he reached down to reveal his cards. He flipped over to the two and three he'd been holding. He flipped over the next card and a smile slowly spread across his face. It was The Idiot. He had the Idiot's Array after all. _Game over_.

Kirk didn't bother flipping over his own cards; there was no point. He stood up and removed the leather vest.

"A bet's a bet," said Kirk.

Han took the vest and put it on. "It's a perfect fit," he said.

"It's very nice," said Quintana.

"Yeah, well, I'm the captain of a starship," Kirk said. "And kid, that earring looks ridiculous. I'd. Lose. It. If. I. Were. You."

"Did you say lose?" Han asked as he tugged on his fancy new vest. "Yeah. I thought so."

Kirk thought better of saying anything and decided to walk away instead. After all, Han still had that fancy blaster of his, a weapon that looked a lot more impressive than the phaser Kirk had brought in with him. Besides, Han had won the game. No point in being a sore loser. It was unbecoming of a Starfleet officer.

"Well, Spock. You. Win. Some. You. Lose. Some," Kirk said.

"If it's any consolation, captain, I feel like this trip has been quite educational. You were correct about being able to learn a lot in a bar."

"Why don't I buy you a Hydro Slammer, Spock?"

"I'm not thirsty."

"Then you haven't learned everything yet," Kirk said and laughed. The two of them walked over to the bar, where Kirk ordered a couple of Hydro Slammers.

Fresh off his sabacc victory, Han attempted to put his arm around Quintana's shoulder. She easily sidestepped him and slipped away.

"Han . . ."

"I meant what I said, Quinnie. I love you."

"Han, I don't like being called Quinnie. You don't even know me."

Chewbacca stifled a chuckle.

"You're a nice guy, but you and I aren't meant to be," said Quintana.

Han felt his heart break; he was pretty sure he _heard_ it break too.

"I go by Quin. And that is a nice vest, Han, but Kirk's right; lose the earring. And the goatee."

Han did his best to flash a grin. He shrugged, determined not to fall apart in front of his hairy friend or the woman he loved. "You don't know what you're missing out on sweetheart," he said.

"It's my loss."

Han nodded. "You got that right." He turned to Chewbacca. "What do you say, pal? Why don't we go do something crazy, like make the Kessel Run in record time?"

Chewbacca roared his approval and Han headed towards the door.

"See you around, Quin."

"I hope so," Quintana said.

Han Solo and Chewbacca disappeared from Leonad's Oasis for what would be the final time. Han looked up at Chewie as they passed through the bar's entrance. "You know, sometimes winning isn't all it's cracked up to be," Han said.

Chewie gently slapped his friend on the back and let out a hearty growl that meant, _Sounds like you learned something today, Han. It would be nice if you also learned that you look ridiculous with a goatee and earring._

But that was a lesson Han would learn some other time in some other shady corner of the galaxy . . .


End file.
